Tonight's GG, "Pret-a-Poor-J" did indeed runneth over with predictable plot lines and the same ole love triangles, quadrangles, hexagons, etc. But in no uncertain terms do I wish to trash the show, it's too easy--and like
Richard @ Gawker has duly noted, this 'dramedy' can only be viewed in the light of comedy, where often the joke is on the show's creators, themselves (I'm talking to you, Josh Schwartz). The writers of this show are not ignorant of the cliches, farce and sometimes seemingly unintentional satire for which they themselves are responsible. For those of us who shouted in gleeful agreement with New York Magazine's declaring it the
Best.Show.Ever...we the people, get. this. show. We love it not in spite of its flaws, but for all the forty-two odd minutes of its utter ridiculousness.
As the title suggests, little Jenny Humphrey gets to carry the episode, now that she's dropped out of Constance and is the big bright shining star of Eleanor Waldorf Designs, all while being home-schooled with/by Vanessa (though please note that V still finds time to "run" the Rufus gallery, attempt to save non-Williamsburg Brooklyn bars and also make movies--that are now for her admission to NYU). Anyway, Willa Holland shows up at the 'Atelier' playing the role of a model named "Agyness," so basically one is to assume that had this taken place during, say 1995, she'd go by "Kate." But I digress...so Agy is doing a fitting with J, and they become like, insta-Be Fri's. Meanwhile, Eleanor keeps taking credit for J's designs, but neglects to follow through on her promise to let lil J meet 'n greet the all the oh-so-important buyers. Not fair! What's an aspiring fashionista to do? How 'bout flee the stuffy UES and head downtown to party with Agy AND (here's where it gets really good) her 'photographer' friend, "Max"--i.e. the Mark Hunter to her would-be Cory Kennedy. The Cobrasnake--I mean, Max takes a bunch of Last-Night's-Party-esque pix of the two crazy gals, and J is eating it up. Unfortunately, she has to pull an all-nighter for Eleanor (to copy a dress
she designed but with Waldorf fabric) in preparation for the presentation tomorrow with Bendel's and Bergdorff's--Eleanor has
of course promised Jenny that she will be allowed to sit in on the meeting, but obviously dramatic irony is at work here, and we know it's not gonna happen. Jenny is forced to turn down A and M's oh-so tempting offer to go meet up with a stylist for Paper Mag and Nylon (wowzer!), and head back uptown. Pret-A-Poor-J, indeed.
Meanwhile, Nate "man-bangs" Archibald continues to shack up chez Humphrey, much to the chagrin of Vanessa (whose hair btw, was not nearly as fug as it was last week). Ever noticed how pretty much everything in life gets that girl's American Apparel knickers in a twist? To V, the Devil Wears Headbands--sometimes Prada ones, too--though V's too high up on her moral high horse to notice (side note: whatever happened to her Vespa?). Yes, the girl (Blair) is back in town--err, back in Brooklyn (omg ew!). You see the Blair and Chuck cat and mouse game, the song that never ends...oh, but sing on, B since Serena has managed to enlist Dan and his 'male perspective' to advise over the situation. I have to say, although B & C are pretty much the number one reason to watch this weekly charade, the whole "say those three words, no you say them first, no you, OK no nookie, OK fine" shtick has definitely run its course, especially after last week's
Cruel Intentions episode. But back to Brooklyn--Serena and Dan are somehow on good terms again, I guess because last week she apologized for turning him back into the pumpkin, I mean, social outcast that he was pre-Serena. So S convinces B that D is the one who can truly help her get Chuck to scratch her itch (
that only he can scratch). Blair finds that Dan does indeed have a few good ideas, and off she goes on her quest of seduction.
The 'Bedford Gallery'--because remember, the Humphrey's live in
Williamsburg not D.U.M.B.O--is gearing up for another opening, and sparks fly when Serena meets the artist-in-residence, who is basically just Dan 'cept he's into light installations or something, rather than penmanship. He asks Serena out, but she refuses so as not to hurt poor Daniel. Mr. Artist gives her some crazy riddle to solve (I know, WTF) in exchange for a second chance to go out with him, but for the moment, S would rather mend her friendship with D than pursue a new romantic interest.
Speaking of interests, it seems Nate--maybe after accidentally walking in on a half-naked Jenny--may have a thing for Girl Humphrey. And while we're back to J, after slaving away all night for Eleanor, the boss takes her work and tells her to home because she looks like hell (yeah, all that eyeliner does make her appear rather cracked-out). Jenny is furious because this is
her dress and Eleanor
promised that she would get to meet the buyers today and maybe,
finally get some credit for her work. When it becomes clear that's never gonna happen, J goes off on a tirade against Eleanor and walks out, taking her frocks with her--including, the green number that Serena wore on the catwalk (the one Andre Leon Talley just
loved).
Everyone ends up back in Brooklyn for Mr. Artist's gallery opening, including Agy and Max, who it turns out went to RISD with Mr. Artist--small world! Agy is thrilled to hear about Jenny's Waldorf walk-out, and convinces her to start her own clothing line--I mean, she totes knows an Editor at Nylon, Max can shoot the campaign and OMFG it's gonna rawk. J, A and M ditch the gallery under the pretense of meeting up with all of Agy's so-called Hipster fashion connects, but instead they end up at Max's pad--what the show's set designer's perceive to be a way cool downtown loft. Agy pressures Jenny to dance with her in their bras to the Smith's while Mark, I mean, Max snaps away, how edgy, how cool.
Vanessa tells Dan about being used as "catnip" by Blair and Chuck in last week's episode (where I guess she was the Reese Witherspoon character, with bad hair), and she's ticked off that Dan would be willing to help someone as evil as Blair--because in her opinion, Chuck is the lesser villain of the two. Always the pawn, Dan sabotages Blair's final chance to be with Chuck angering Serena in the process, but not enough for her to turn her back on Dan. In the midst of asking Dan's permission (why?) to accept the date with Mr. Artist she suddenly solves the riddle and realizes that holleeee shitballs, they not only attended camp together as little tots in Switzerland, but were married on the bank of Lake Geneva, with licorice rings and everything! Sadly for S, she's too late, as she watches him whisk some other young lass away on his moped. Too bad, he would've been Dan with money, and hence, nothing over which to argue--didn't she almost have it all...poor S.
Chuck and Blair finally come to terms with the fact that they could never be an actual couple, that without the games, there's nothing between them. Finally! Sad for Blair, but happy for us, since it's been pretty obvious their romance was a one-way ticket to nowhere, and those two can now go back to wreaking havoc and hilarity on the lives of others, phew.
Back to those half-naked girls--Jenny's totally into it, until Nate--who apparently possesses the clairvoyance to know J's exact location--dashes in as J's "Knight in Shining Armani," who actually looks like a total L 7 in this 'uber edgy' downtown setting, but who cares as he whisks Jenny away, and out of this 'very dangerous' situation.' Surprise, surprise, Nate berates Jenny for being so foolish...and then they MAKE OUT. End Scene. Wonder how long it'll take Dan to break them up; place your bets.
Saving the best for last, which is actually the first scene--my god, after that
My Fair Lady parody, I didn't think that could be topped, but--by george, she's got it! Well, Leighton does, anyway. The show opens with Blair fantasizing about sexing it up with Chuckie, while she, um, services herself (all with Kristen Bell narrating away)...until, gasp, Dorota walks in! Blair asks for a few more minutes of privacy, you know, just to finish a little project. D's response? "Remember, god is always watching."
Like I said...
XO XO
